A review of the past week’s episode of LOST from a frustratedly loyal (and loyally frustrated) fan. This week:
Romeo Goodwin Benry Jack & Juliet deal with The Other Woman
I. Now She Says, “Oh Goodwin/Ben/Jack, Yeah, I Used To Have A Scene With Him”
A. Where did The Others get a psychiatrist/therapist from in the first place? Did Harper just up and decide she wanted to be a shrink? I’m assuming it was her impeccable sense of empathy and her stable demeanor that gave her the job…either that, or her inability to push buttons or chip rocks. Whatever the case, the Sally Struthers correspondence course she took to learn what to do clearly isn’t working.
B. Pretty impressive of Goodwin to more or less shake off Juliet’s character assassination of his wife. “Yeah, she’s kind of a bitch. Want to catch coffee?” I get the feeling that this was not the most healthy marriage in Otherville.
C. Otherville is about as small-town as they come, so what made them think this little on-the-side thing was a good idea? I guess you can’t really blame Juliet, she was having some issues realizing where she really is for a while. But Goodwin’s been around the block enough to know that secrets are probably hard to come by in this camp, yet he was gung-ho about dumping his crazy-eyebrowed wife and getting down with the new girl. If they had a therapist on the Island, they probably had a divorce lawyer, too. At least go through the motions.
D. More evidence of Goodwin being a complete dipshit comes with his “don’t worry about Ben” garbage. Yeah, don’t worry about our proclaimed leader who talks to a list-making pseudo-ghost and who assumed the throne of King Other by orchestrating a genocide on the Dharma folks. He’s nothing to be concerned about, not at all. Juliet’s pretty much at fault for believing that a power-plant-working adulterer had a clean, comprehensive grasp on social happenings in Otherville.
E. Why was every male Other getting some ass except for poor Tom? Goodwin’s got two ladies, Karl’s got something going on, even Benry gets a little action once he can hook the leg shackles up to the girls. No wonder Tom told Kate she wasn’t his type; the man had to look elsewhere for affection when the ladies left him alone at the dance.
F. Surely someone over in Otherville could have cautioned Benry of the downside to his flowers/candlelight dinner/show you your dead boyfriend strategy for wooing Juliet. Maybe that Erykah Badu-looking woman or even his own daughter Alex could have stepped in and lobbied for a less aggressive approach than screaming “YOU’RE MINE!” with crazy eyes. Stop reading Philip K. Dick and pick up a Danielle Steele or something, dude.
G. As far a destructive life habits go, Kate’s constant need to run is probably pretty tough to deal with, but Juliet’s inability to enter a healthy relationship with a previously-unclaimed man seems destined to lead to just as much trouble. I know it’s a big Island, Juliet, but it’s still an island; there’s only so many places you can flee to when these love triangles/love rhombuses completely blow up in your face.
II. Jack + Kate = Kack, Jack + Juliet =…uh…Jaliet? Kack + Jaliet = Kackliet. Oh, Plus Daniel And Charlotte And Saving The Whole Island From Poisonous Gas.
A. How can Jin master proper pronoun usage – more than we can say for some characters – but “they went into the jungle” is an English phrase he hasn’t picked up? How many times do people go into the jungle every day? 20? 30? Maybe this is why Sun wants to have the baby back in Korea; at this remedial rate, it’ll take Jin five years to be able to order coffee or buy groceries.
B. Amazing that Harper, whilst living amidst The Others in the deep jungle, still finds time to tweeze her eyebrows. It’s that look of perpetual surprise that really strikes fear in the heart.
C. Let’s not worry about withholding information for Jack’s safety, Juliet. The man’s run afoul of not one, but TWO “special” guys who can talk to the Island upon which he is living. He is openly welcoming a group of people who have no intention of saving him. Two of his most helpful allies, Desmond and Sayid, jumped on a helicopter and left him behind. And on top of that, he’s rocking this “It’s Complicated” Facebook relationship with Kate right in front of his new female friend. Jack couldn’t be less safe if he started hooking up with Kate and caught whatever venereal disease Sawyer’s been carrying.
D. “Are you going to tell me or are we going to keep walking through the jungle like it doesn’t matter?” might as well be the subtitle for this whole damn show.
E. Sure, Charlotte’s an archaeologist by trade, but she had to get some training from Naomi, and she definitely let her girl down in that catfight. You stood toe-to-toe with a glorified gynecologist and nearly got your ass kicked. Say what you will about Kate (and I’ve said my share), but she could waste both of those girls in a Triple Threat Match.
F. The three-way showdown between Kate, Charlotte and Juliet – the three toughest non-crazy (sorry, Rousseau) women on the Island – really demonstrates the problem that The People’s Republic of Locke is facing. There’s not a single strong female influence on that side of the Island now that Kate left (although she wasn’t much good to them anyway with Sawyer constantly turning her into a wishy-washy hand-wringing commitment-phobe…wait, that’s not Sawyer’s fault). You’re telling me Claire is the best they can do? Claire, who found everything Charlie did endearing? We need to resuscitate the ghost of Naomi, or send Rose over their way or something. Locke hasn’t had a female voice in his life since that woman he met in Anger Management class, and I think it’s fair to say he could use one every once in a while.
G. I understand that Benry’s track record of doing fucked-up things doesn’t leave him free of suspicion whenever fucked-up things start happening, but rather than jump to the conclusion that he sent Harper to tell Juliet to kill Charlotte and Daniel, did we pause and consider that Harper might be freelancing there? The woman’s husband got in with Juliet, then was sent off and got killed in the jungle because of it. We didn’t even explore the awkward Otherville dynamic after that, and Harper is clearly a little unstable. Don’t you think she owed Juliet one? The ‘jilted crazy wife’ rationale makes just as much sense as the ‘jilted crazy not-boyfriend’ angle.
III. The People’s Republic Of Locke & Benry Guevara
A. At this point, Benry’s got a future in the music industry, because he can play Locke like a fiddle. Of all the “fresh start” promises that the Island holds, I would think priority one on the John Locke list (now that he can walk, at least) would be “stop getting talked into shit by other people.”
B. Why does Benry need a behind-the-picture-frame safe when he’s got the whole behind-the-bookcase panic room going on? How many secret chambers does a house need?
C. If Ben knows all that about Charles Widmore, why hasn’t there been any interaction between he and Desmond yet? Benry had access to the Pearl, so he definitely could see Desmond in the Swan Station for all of the time he was there. If their files on Widmore are as comprehensive as their files on Jack or Sawyer or Kate or Hurley, then they’ve gotta know the Desmond connection, right? Not to mention Desmond having the fail-safe to stop the Hatch meltdown when Benry tried to make it so. Is Benry intimidated by Desmond’s accent? I know I am.
D. Couldn’t Presidente Locke have made an announcement to everyone else about Benry being free to walk around? You have a small group, it doesn’t take a memo – just stand out in the middle of all the houses and shout it. Unless you don’t mind someone in the People’s Republic taking matters into their own hands. Did anyone consult the rest of his family, who manage to be conveniently absent at critical times like this?
E. I really would like to suggest Sawyer as the Team Locke prison guard from here on out. Locke can still call the shots, but he doesn’t need to be responsible for everything and everybody, especially with his previous track record of responsibility (Boone, The Hatch, his kidney) or lack thereof. Sawyer’s just sitting around camp, reading books, spending a little too much time with Hurley now that Kate’s gone, so why not give him a little something to make him want to get up in the morning?
1. Benry’s mind games wouldn’t have worked, because Sawyer doesn’t have too much going on up there anyway, and he’s generally at peace with the world right now.
2. It could lead to some great Sawyer-Miles moments, provided Miles doesn’t have a grenade in his mouth at the time.
3. Sawyer’s killed a few people so far, including some (guy in Australia, Tom), who maybe didn’t deserve it, so he can put the fear of God in prisoners
4. He’s clearly not any good at any of the games he plays with Hurley, and continually getting thrashed in ping pong and horseshoes is going to really kill his self-esteem.