Political Science for Dummies

If it bleeds...

 

I got this in an email from Chris a couple of weeks ago.  I thought it ought to be posted somewhere.

This appears to be somewhere.

And yes, believe it or not, the photo is germane to the lesson.

Learn.

DEMOCRAT

• You have two cows.
• Your neighbor has none.
• You feel guilty for being successful.

REPUBLICAN

• You have two cows.
• Your neighbor has none.
• So?

SOCIALIST

• You have two cows.
• The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
• You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

COMMUNIST

• You have two cows.
• The seizes both and provides you with milk.
• You wait in line for hours to get in.
• It is expensive and sour.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE

• You have two cows.
• You sell one, buy a bull and build a herd of cows.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE

• You have two cows.
• Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the others and then pours the milk down the drain.

AMERICAN CORPORATION

• You have two cows.
• You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
• You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows.  You are surprised when one cow drops dead.  You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.
• Your stock goes up.

FRENCH CORPORATION

• You have two cows.
• You go on strike because you want three cows.
• You go to lunch and drink wine.
• Life is good.

JAPANESE CORPORATION

• You have two cows.
• You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
• They learn to travel.
• Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

GERMAN CORPORATION

• You have two cows.
• You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk and run a hundred miler per hour.
• Unfortunately, they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

ITALIAN CORPORATION

• You have two cows but you don’t know where they are.
• You break for lunch.
• Life is good.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION

• You have two cows.
• You have some vodka.
• You count them and learn you have five cows.
• You have some more vodka.
• You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
• The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

TALIBAN CORPORATION

• You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which was two.
• You don’t milk them because you cannot touch any creatures’ private parts.
• You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.

IRAQI CORPORATION

• You have two cows.
• They go into hiding.
• They send radio tapes of their mooing.

POLISH CORPORATION

• You have two bulls.
• Employees are regularly maimed or killed attempting to milk them.

BELGIAN CORPORATION

• You have one cow.
• The cow is schizophrenic.
• Sometimes the cow thinks he’s French, other times he’s Flemish.
• The Flemish cow won’t share with the French cow.
• The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow’s milk.
• The cow asks permission to be cut in half.
• The cow dies happy.

FLORIDA CORPORATION

• You have a black cow and a brown cow.
• Everyone votes on the best looking cow.
• Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for the black one.
• Some people vote for both.
• Some people vote for neither.
• Some people can’t figure out how to vote at all.
• Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is best-looking.

CALIFORNIA CORPORATION

• You have millions of cows.
• They make real California cheese.
• Only five speak English.
• Most are illegal.
• Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.

There, now don’t you feel smarter?