A review of the past week’s episode of LOST from a frustratedly loyal (and loyally frustrated) fan. This week, we’re running slightly behind on the start of season five, but we’ll get there soon. To start things off, we’ve stopped jumping back and forth in time during episodes, so instead all of the characters start jumping back and forth in time. Why? Because You Left.
Daniel Faraday: I really think we have far more pressing matters then me giving you a shirt.
LOST, Season 5, Episode 1
Because You Left
I. Getting The Band Back Together
A. Talk about a life of regrets. Jack escapes the memory of a shotgun wedding and messy separation, betraying his dad and then having to recover and bury him, fights off alcoholism, gets a new life on the Island to be the guy who rescues everyone (his dream scenario) and stands up against adversity. Now he’s back home popping pills, depressed because the biggest thorn in his side is dead and the second-biggest is the only guy giving him purpose. Plus there’s the beard. Ladies and gentlemen, your hero!
B. Benry tells Jack that they all have to go back to fix things, but he also says they’ll never know what happened to the Island since Locke died before he could tell them. If they get back and save everyone/everything, wouldn’t the survivors be able to tell them? Between this and the apparent falling-out with his forced BFF Sayid, an underlying theme of this episode seems to be “fuck what ya heard about trusting anything Benry says/does.”
C. I hope part of law school includes learning how to properly draw blood samples, because neither of the suits at Kate’s door looked like medical professionals. I hope they at least had rubber gloves handy.
D. Whoever hired the guys that ambushed Sayid must have been operating on a budget – Attacker #2 was sporting a purple shirt and the marksmanship of a drunk four-year-old. If you told me it would take seven tranquilizer darts to put Sayid down, I would believe it, but not if six of those darts missed completely. Also, the old butcher-knives-in-the-dishwasher trick makes no sense – EVERYONE knows to put your knives in the rack point-down, Sayid. Improper utensil technique is how someone gets their kidneys pierced.
E. You have to feel for Penny. When she picked her boyfriend up from a raft in the middle of the ocean (where she found him after he called to rant about the past and the future), she had to know he’d be a little different, and maybe a little crazy. She had to know there would be a day when he’d wake up and say something batshit like “I was on the Island! Let’s go to Oxford!” So I guess she was ready for this. Hell, they lived on a houseboat, so maybe she was asking for it. If I were Desmond, I’d be able to pull of “brother” as an appositive phrase and I wouldn’t want to see the ocean for the rest of my bloody life.
II. Locke, Sawyer, Juliet & Daniel’s Excellent Adventure
A. Now that we get to meet Dr. Chang/Candle/Haliwax, he really seems like a wannabe supervillain. Besides the fake names and the somewhat dapper dress code (any evil doctor without four metal arms on his back keeps it relatively neat), he’s alternately surly and willing to share his world view with anyone in earshot. Joe Constructionworker is all like “my big-ass metal drill that’s never supposed to melt just freakin’ melted, but I really need that dental plan for the kids’ braces so I’m gonna find a way to do my job, I just wanted to call you down here because Gary’s nose is bleeding and you’re the only guy with a labcoat,” and the doc comes back with “you fool, your efforts at doing your job directly conflict with my/our diabolical schemes, which I will explain to you thusly as your manual labor job is somehow relevant to me beyond this three-minute exchange. Space and time, fool! There are rules! Et cetera!” I’m paraphrasing.
B. I’m sure Daniel was completely inconspicuous as a workman. No one’s going to notice the 83-pound electrician with a tool belt somewhere around his knees and a nasty habit for fidgeting like a heroin addict when someone else says something he thinks is stupid.
C. Since when was Sawyer so preoccupied with wearing a shirt? Now that Kate disappeared into the sky, he turned into a prude.
D. Why are Locke and everyone at the beach on the same time-jump schedule and Ethan isn’t? Granted, Richard Alpert is a total wildcard, but it seems like Ethan should also be skipping around, right? If the people (not the Island) are the ones traveling through time, does that mean they need to check on all the dead folks who they buried in the past several seasons? On that note, is Charlie’s body even with the Island anymore? Did anyone try to recover him?
E. Ok, so Richard Of The Undead says he won’t recognize Locke the next time they meet, but he gives him the compass that he used to test Young Locke back in the day. Does he plan on seeing Locke next as a toddler?
F. The rules that don’t apply to Desmond apparently don’t apply to Daniel either – or maybe he ascribes to the Benry school of “tell people one thing and then do something completely different.” Maybe he just gave Sawyer the Butterfly Effect excuse because he was afraid of what the man would do with that kind of power. To be fair to Daniel, Sawyer was a few seconds away from beating someone up to wear a short-sleeved shirt that was at least two sizes small. He’s not making great life choices right now.