A review of the past week’s episode of LOST from a frustratedly loyal (and loyally frustrated) fan. This week: we keep playing from behind, but we’re almost caught up. Now everyone who escaped the Island realizes that they weren’t entirely prepared to keep up The Lie.
Ben Linus: John’s casket is outside in a carpet van. I need to move it somewhere safe.
Jack Shepard: Safe? He’s dead isn’t he?
Ben Linus: I’ll see you in six hours, Jack.
LOST, Season 5, Episode 2
I. The Lostaway Reunion Tour
A. It’s no wonder Hurley is leery of the Big Lie plan when Jack asks Captain Ron’s thoughts before his. Jack should be thanking the big guy – if he hadn’t kept up his weight on the Island, the helicopter would’ve been at least 100 pounds lighter and maybe Sawyer wouldn’t have had to jump out. It’s because Hurley maintained his regular calorie intake under duress that Jack was free to screw up his relationship with Kate on his own terms.
B. If there’s one thing this season needed to get off on the right foot, it was a cameo from Ana Lucia. Were all the other dead characters unavailable? I would have settled for Charlie or Mr. Eko’s lame-ass brother over this wonderful reminder.
C. So what if there’s an APB out in the Los Angeles area for the most recognizable 300+ pound millionaire/rescuee/mental patient on the planet? It’s nothing that a bright yellow XXXL t-shirt can’t circumvent!
D. Benry’s supposed to be a smart guy, so what’s he doing flushing Jack’s pills and then leaving him alone for six hours? That man’s got nothing at home but liquor and maps of the Pacific ocean. You leave a prescription pill addict like him alone for six hours, they don’t pack. He’ll throw some suits in a plastic bag and then spend the remaining five hours and 45 minutes trying to get some more pills. Or if Kate’s around, he’ll take 15 minutes to pack, five hours to stand around making moody “introspective” faces and 45 minutes trying to rip up the plumbing in the bathroom to get the pills Benry flushed.
E. Jill the Butcher has to be pretty damn dedicated to the cause to spend her life working the front for Team Benry’s operations. You can only cut so much ribeye before you start wondering why you couldn’t be undercover in a morgue or anyplace else with a big-ass refrigerator. Even an office with a good air conditioning system would have worked.
F. Sun didn’t waste any time guilt-tripping Kate for Jin’s death. When Kate asked “What kind of person do you think I am?” she basically stopped short of saying “a murderer.” Fortunately for her, Kate’s inability to infer things that aren’t told to her directly (and her penchant for turning everything into self-interested hand wringing) kept the message from getting through.
G. Maybe during their brief motel stay, Benry could have schooled Jack a little more in the art of being a pseudo-spy. Apparently they made it as far as “hold all your secret meetings in a parking garage” but not quite to the part where you don’t smuggle someone into a hospital by keeping him in the backseat and driving up to the front door. Are we to assume this is the same hospital where Dr. S is on leave for his pill issues? Does shaving the beard count as disguise?
H. When Sayid first woke up, I think he was so angry and disoriented because his hair got all frizzed out during the during the whole scuffle/unconsciousness episode.
I. A lot of time and stress on this show could be saved if Hurley was a little more resilient. When faced with two things he was specifically told not to do (cooperate with Ben or get arrested), he just goes with the lesser of the two – or more specifically, the one that isn’t staring him in the face with short-term consequences. Are there really only two choices, Hugo? You’ve already got Dr. Shepard (and by association, Sayid) on speed dial and you outweigh Ben by roughly 200 pounds. I’m not asking you to be Jack Bauer here, but you could stand for some outside-the-box thinking.
II. Locke, Sawyer, Juliet & Daniel’s Bogus Journey
A. Sawyer probably didn’t think about it, but he was sitting pretty after the sky started flashing. Jack was gone, Locke was off gallivanting in the jungle and he was in prime position to take over as leader of the beach peeps. Then Daniel comes in and just pulls it right out from under him. Maybe it’s the tie, or maybe it’s the way Daniel responds to anything someone says like they’re a functional retard and he is afraid to tell them.
B. I think everyone on the beach (Miles included) has come to the conclusion that they don’t want Miles around. Ever since he got off the helicopter, he’s been dropping hints about his special Sixth Sense, even if most of them happen to be snarky jabs at someone else. Yet no one has paid attention enough to deem him useful in any way, and when he suggests looking for some food, no one offers to go with him or even protests that he walk off into the jungle alone when the time could shift again at any minute. So the only guy with any notable special abilities (unless we count Daniel’s SuperBrain or Juliet’s talent of pulling off every conceivable emotion with the same face) just wandered off by his lonesome while 17 people build a fire.
C. If you’re another strandee on the Island, like the worst thing that can happen to you is being given a name and a makeshift personality. If you weren’t in it from the beginning, like our boy Neil Frogurt, then you are doomed as soon as someone else recognizes you. As soon as you have a name, you have a character arc, and that character arc will end in fiery, ironic death. If nobody learned from Arzt, maybe they’ll learn from Frogurt: don’t tell anyone your name.
D. For a little while there, I was worried that we had finally run out of hostile groups of gun-wielding unknowns. What a relief! Thanks, time travel!