Glenn Beck: Tool of the Apocalypse

This is a man who can't hold his paint.
This is a man who can't hold his paint.

Glenn Beck is the antichrist.

Let me back up a second.

Fox News is a strange animal.  Their evening news program with Shepard Smith tends to be pretty ‘fair and balanced’.  Like, for real and not code for ‘toxic, right wing, conspiratorial bullshit’.  If they’d reign in their reporters and producers a little bit more, they’d be really good.  Are you listening, guys?

Beyond the news, however, ‘fair and balanced’ is anything but.  While not completely hate filled, most of this programming leans hard right and has, at times, had me wondering if we didn’t switch places with Cuba or Sweden while I was sleeping.

I’m not a fan of biased media, right or left.  They don’t speak to me.  They’re annoying, vitriolic noisemakers, preaching to their respective choirs.  They’re snarky.  They bully and shout at their opponents.   They host interview segments with like-minded individuals and ask them leading questions like ‘Is it me, or do the -xxxxx- all have syphilis?’

Thanks for raising the level of discourse, fellas.  It’s no wonder we’re now one nation, fucked by God.

And that brings me back to the antichrist, Glenn Beck.

Glenn is a douche.  I watched him a couple of times on CNN and kept asking myself, ‘Self, why isn’t this guy on Fox?’  He was excitable, emotional and a total whack-job living in a world of boogeymen.   He was also transparent, ill-informed, and trying way too hard to make the Big Point, you know, the one that would score him a book deal or a pithy t-shirt slogan.

Or a move to Fox.

So, I’m cruising the channels one afternoon, and I come across Beck, in full melt-down, crying about his love for America.  Being me, I hang around waiting for someone to cut in and explain that this was Glenn’s last program, taped shortly before his assistant found him in his dressing room, handgun in his lap, surrounded by his brains.  Sadly, this was real.  Glenn was announcing his 9-12 Project and crying his way through a poorly scripted diatribe about  ‘us’ and ‘them’ and his love for America.  Seriously, I really thought he had killed himself and this was his obituary.

If you’re not familiar with the 9-12 Project, don’t bother.  It’s crap.  A transparent grab for attention and bigger stage than Glenn deserves.  To summarize, Beck’s project is all about nine principals and 12 values that will bring ‘us all back to the place we were on September 12, 2001’ when we were standing ‘together to protect the values and principals of the greatest nation ever created.’


Needless to say, I have some issues with Douche Beck’s ‘Project’

Issue number one:  9 Principals  + 12 Values = Blackjack!!

First of all, if you’ve ever read any kind of management book written in the wake of ‘7 Habits of Highly Effective People’ then you should realize, unless you’re a complete fuckwad, that EVERY management book written in the wake of ‘7 Habits’ has, at its core, x-number of steps (usually between 3-7) to success.  The only exception being ‘Who Moved My Cheese’ and that was written for children and retards.  Each step is usually broken down into a number of goals, paths, principals, guides, roadsigns or whatever the metaphor is the author is trying to peddle.  Throw in a bit of proprietary jargon and you’ve got a motivational speaking tour and your turn as the flavor of the day.

I’ve worked with motivational junkies.  They bounce from plan to plan, step to step with total abandon.  If one program fails there is always another to buy into.  The guys who make these things up make a lot of money.  But  at their core, there all the same.  Horseshit.  They’re modern day snake oil salesmen, promising everything and delivering nothing.   Glenn’s plan is no different.

Had this 9-12 thing been put together by Mrs. Wickham’s fourth grade class as Middlebury prep, I’d be a lot more forgiving.  It is that juvenile.  But it wasn’t created by children, it was made up by an adult or adults and it is simply THAT transparent.  Personally, I think Glenn locked himself in a room with a bunch of spray paint and a notepad.  He huffed a little, scribbled a little, freaked out, passed out, woke up, threw up and then ultimately declared himself our savior.  At this point in my ‘scenario’, Glenn is usually stripped down to his boxers, covered in about 10 colors of paint and licking the spray nozzle for one last hit while screaming ‘By the power of Krylon!!’

Not a pretty picture is it.

Issue number 2:  Huffing can cause memory loss

In 2001 I was 33 years old and contributing member to society.  I say this so you know that I am not so addle-pated that I do not remember 9-11 and, by extension, 9-12.  I can say, with some conviction, that we, the American people were NOT standing together to defend anything.  To be perfectly honest, we were shell-shocked and mind-fucked and had no clue as to what to do next.  If we came together at all, it was in abject, uncomprehending fear.  How did this happen?  Will it happen again?  If Starbuck’s stops making coffee, does it mean the terrorists have won?

9-12 was about the unraveling of a nation.  We fucking caved in to fear.

It’ll be several more days before planes start flying again (which they still haven’t figured out how to make safe), a month before we go out and kill us some ragheads in retaliation, and years before Dick Cheney sees the light of day.  Our government will pass the Patriot Act, allow warrantless wire-tapping and domestic spying, start an unnecessary war in Iraq and do whatever it wants with our civil liberties, all in the name of, get this, freedom.

Are ‘intimidation’ and ‘revenge’ part of the values or the principals?

Glenn, you jackoff, you don’t want to go back to a better America, you want to go back to one where your point of view was the prevailing point of view (like 11-3 maybe?).  Where people didn’t disagree so eloquently and vehemently that you couldn’t dismiss them, or cower them into submission with threats of being unpatriotic.

Life wasn’t better on 9-12 or in its aftermath.  America wasn’t better.  How dare you presume to rewrite a history that I fucking lived.

Issue 3:  Maybe the brain damage IS permanent

While Americans can turn anything into a chance to make a buck, should they?

I can’t seem to recall ever seeing a bunch of ‘I survived the Holocaust’ t-shirt around the synagogue near my house.  Likewise, I don’t think I’ve ever seen the limited edition ‘Smoke ‘em if you got ‘em’ Napalm Charlie action figures either.  My point here being that there are some thing you DON’T commercialize, like say, the deadliest terrorist attack ever to occur on our home turf.

I’m sure I’m not the only one who was absolutely disgusted by the people actively promoting ‘patriotic’ products like flags and magnetic ribbons in the days following the attacks.  I bet 9-12 was a boon for flagmakers and that they’d sure like to see a return to that most magical of times, especially now with the recession and all.  Worse than them, however, were the people selling genuine gold coins, minted from the gold recovered from the rubble of the Twin Towers.  That’s fucking ghoulish and I hope all those people enjoy their stays in Hell.

Well, guess what, Glenn.  You’re no better than those assholes.  That’s right, you’re not trying to turn 9-12 into a positive, you’re trying to turn it into a paycheck.  That’s soulless.

How do you justify this behavior, douchbag?

Oh yeah, by being a douchebag.

The whole 9-12 Project is hypocritical, callow exploitation, pure and simple, and could have only been dreamed up by the Antichrist.

Or a brain dead paint huffer.  I still haven’t decided.

**  **  **  **

PS:  Also worth noting is that it is now eight years later and we still haven’t found the Head Raghead in Charge.  See if you can’t work ‘Follow Through’ into the Project, fucker.

(Okay, so that last bit comes off a little racist.  Maybe I need a 9-12 step program of my own.)

4 thoughts on “Glenn Beck: Tool of the Apocalypse

  1. Excellent article. Very well said.

    I have a feeling you will like the blog that I just started call Buck Glenn Feck.

    I actually started it because of the people at a 912 Project website banning me and some friends of mine from posting in their forum because of our posting videos proving that Beck is a phony patriot. Instead of thanking me for my honesty and exposing the fraud behind this, and the fact that they were being led straight off of a cliff, they became extremely hostile. The group mainly consists of soccer moms and neocons who love the war and are obvious racists toward non-whites.

    So, I decided to start my own anonymous website that allows me to say whatever I want without having my freedom of speech censored. Speaking of which, these clowns claim to want to take America back to Constitutional principles, and yet they cannot even deal with someone’s criticism. Instead they edit comments and ban the people who do it.

    By the way, do you notice that nowhere in those values and principles is the Constitution actually mentioned at all? That alone ought to give away the fact that it is a fake patriot movement!

    They are literally the most unfriendly and most stubborn, close-minded people I have ever met in my entire life! They are even worse than Obama supporters who I thought were pretty damn stubborn and close minded before I met the 912ers.

    At least I got to a few of them before they banned me, and showed the The Obama Deception by Alex Jones and America: Freedom to Fascism by Aaron Russo.

    I have tried to help those people, especially warn them about the New World Order. They refuse to believe it and many of them actually believe that Bush and Cheney protected this country. They think that Bush is a great man, and was a great president, I’m not lying! They refuse to believe anything other than Fox News, Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh, and other neocon propaganda. They hate Ron Paul because he is against the war, naturally. They hate 911 Truthers, and became outraged when I told them that the 911 Truth Movement was founded by the families of the victims of 911 (who Glenn Beck said he hates on his radio show). They were shocked when I pointed out that the 911 Commission Report, which does not even mention the collapse of Building #7 at the WTC on 911, is inconclusive and that 911 must be subject to a thorough reinvestigation because the American people were not being told the truth. These morons didn’t even know the fact that the 911 Commission only came into existence at all because of the protests of the families of the victims of 911 demanding an investigation because the Bush Administration did not offer one!

    I’ve repeatedly told them that Fox News as well as all corporate news media outlets are corporate members of the Council on Foreign Relations, a group that openly promotes world government and the New World Order. To them, Fox News is “fair and balanced” and is the only news worthy of believing. All other sources are “lies from liberals.”

    It looks as if we see eye to eye on the left vs. right paradigm. It is a weapon that the globalists use against us to advance their agenda, because they know that they will always have 50% approval, and that just perpetuates continuously through the years, as the New World Order slowly unfolds and manifests. Left vs. right is crap! We should be focused on the Constitution and the intentions of the Founding Fathers, not parties, like George Washington warned about in his farewell address.

    They are totally hopeless fools!

    Anyway, please feel free to visit my blog and contribute with your insightful commentary.

  2. Thanks for the comments.

    I don’t think we know the values and principals of our founding fathers as well as we think. Many owned slaves, many were wealthy, several were intellectuals and elitists (Hamilton, I’m looking at you!). These were not common folk. In fact, they trusted us goodly people so much, they created the Electoral College to make sure we didn’t elect the wrong guy (women couldn’t vote, you know) or maybe a goat.

    Hmm…came together on 9-12. I don’t seem to remember any spontaneous ‘Backbone Rallies’ in the weeks following the attacks. Alan Jackson wrote a song. Paul McCartney wrote a song. Congress sang ‘God Bless America’ and a bunch of people lit candles and cried – which shouldn’t count, someone always lights candles and cries when people get killed, how else do we end up with all those crosses on the highways.

    Here are my points again.

    The 9-12 project is carefully crafted bullshit.

    It isn’t remarkably different than any other ‘xx steps to a better whatever’ program, plan or system that’s come along. And those plans are mostly bullshit, meant to enrich the lives of their creators.

    Glenn’s insincere and a bit forgetful of reality.

    We didn’t come together on 9-12. Again, I don’t remember the rallies, or the heroic timbre of the times. We freaked out. Everything was different, except that it couldn’t be because then the terrorists would have won. Maybe we came together sometime around 9-25 or 10-6, but not 9-12. Unfortunately, those dates throw off the numbers and make the project less dramatic. Best to go with the fantasy.

    Glenn’s a douche for marketing tragedy.

    If you sold flags on 9-10 and blew them out in the following weeks, you were in the right place at the right time and good for you. If you sold cellphones on 9-10 and switched to patriotism the following week looking to cash in, you’re an opportunist, and probably a sleeze and yes, I have a problem with those people, they’re creeps. If you’re trying to manufacture a populist grassroots movement through your radio show, tv show, website, and blog using 9-11 (or 9-12) as your ‘hook’, then you’re a conniving douchebag.

    Glenn is a conniving douchebag.

    Flags and pins and projects are not patriotism. They might be the outward signs of patriotism, but they’re not the real thing. Neither you or I or anyone else needs 9 values and 12 principals. We’ll all do fine with the 2 self-evident truths (created equal, inalienable rights) and the 3 rights (life, liberty, pursuit of happiness) spelled out in the much better written Declaration of Independence. If you need more stuff to believe in, then pick through the Bill of Rights. You can pad the number of rights to 15 or so if you do it right. Me, I’m a big fan of free speech.

    I get to call Glenn a douche and you get to call me a ‘f*ck’ for doing so.

    The huffing addition was always part of the post and it asks the question ‘If our goal was to find the people responsible, why didn’t we saddle up and ride into the mountains of Pakistan and kill the bastard and all his bastard friends when the Pakistani’s were on board?’

    Well? What’s the answer Jeff? In the days following the attacks we had names and photos of the attackers, where they’d been for the past three months and their entire life stories. And yet, nearly a decade later, we still can’t find the mastermind. Explain the disconnect.

    As for trying to watch Glenn, I have and I can’t do it. I’ll give you he’s not as far right as his Fox brethren, but that means little when you can’t stand to turn him on. The guy comes in on a bad frequency, like nails on a chalkboard while chewing on tinfoil. He tries too hard to be funny and too hard to sound ‘common sense’. If you have to say ‘but that’s just common sense’ then you’re in over your head.

    Also, Stephe is short for Stephen making me neither a woman nor a business.

    Best of luck to you and all of your post 9-12 purchased patriotism.

  3. What a f**k you are Stephe.

    The 9-12 project is about the people of this country coming together and standing up to our federal government as one, based on principals and values of our founding fathers. The core idea is based on the renewed sense of solidarity felt in the days after the attacks.

    You think he’s trying to change the history you lived through? Well “douchbag”, there was 300 million others that lived through it as well. Let me be the first to tell you, you’re a minority here. You may have caved into fear, (thus your pathetic huffing addition) but the rest of us with backbones stood up and said never again. For the first time in my lifetime, I actually witnessed true patriotism. Unfortunately it has faded once more.

    You had a problem with people selling patriotic items after 9-11? You must have really thought deep about that didn’t you? I’ll bet it almost put you in the hospital. You want to criticize people for selling goods to folks who want to proudly display their patriotism? I was proud to display my American flag. And guess what, I bought it from those evil people who never ever sold flags until after 9-11.

    Sounds to me like your just a pissed off failed business woman crying because others in the world made it and you didn’t. You must of huffed your way to failure.

    You say you’re not a fan of biased media? Then watch Glen, actually listen to what he says, you will learn he is not as biased as you may think. Glens ideas are anchored in common sense. That’s pretty rare these days, you should try it.

    Amongst all your ranting, I sensed an intelligent, well spoken individual. Try opening your mind some, still be analytical, but don’t shut everything out.

    Good luck.

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