News: E-Bay Buyer Blows Chunks

Moon Knight: E-Bay's fist of Vengance

So.

Like many of you, I’ve bought and sold stuff on E-Bay from time to time.  Really, at this point, who hasn’t.

Most of the time it goes fairly well.  I win, I pay, they ship, we post feedback and life goes on.  Sometimes things get broken or hung up in shipment.  Sometimes your buyer flakes out and doesn’t pay.

And sometimes, things go like this.

Last Sunday, I sold a Super Hero Squad Moon Knight figure on E-Bay for a whopping 4.25, plus two dollars shipping.  $6.25 in total.  Keep this in mind as the bottom drops out of my story.

Before the auction closes, I go ahead and box the thing up knowing there’s a couple bids out there and it’s going to sell.  I watch movies with my family and go to bed without seeing how it does, because, well, it is already boxed and I’ll get the shipping info Monday and throw it in the mail.  Monday comes, and I get the shipping information and four e-mails telling me this is for a birthday on Friday and would I please ship it Monday, ASAP!

After reading his second e-mail, I pretty much know that this transaction is going to suck.

I get the box into the mail Monday, send the buyer a note, and hope for the best.

Flash forward to Friday.  I know in my soul that the item hasn’t arrived.  I’m not happy, but not surprised either. It is the busiest week of the year for the post office.  I know I’m going to hear about it when I log into E-Bay…and I do.

I have not received this Moon Knight figure auction that I won and paid for on the 13th. I have bought items from other Sellers after I bought yout item and have received them already. Please email me a Tracking Number.

Not a problem if I had one.  Using the postal meter at work, ‘tracking number’ wasn’t an option.  So I respond.

I have received your e-mail (four times and counting). The package was shipped USPS First Class as stated in the description. I put it in the mail Monday morning, Dec 14. I used the postal scale at work and handed it to the postman so I do not have a tracking number to send to you.

Please let me know when it arrives.

Now, I send this knowing it’s not going to be enough.  But I also know that I honored my end of the deal.  Unfortunately, once I put that package in the hands of the postman, all bets were off.

Here’s what I get next.

I have never received this Moon Knight auction. I think that you have never mailed it out. It should have been here already if you had. Also, since you couldn’t provide me with a Tracking Number that makes me think even more that you are lying. It was for a Birthday today, well it’s not here, so I want an immediate Full Refund. I have already filed a PayPal Dispute on you, the next thing coming is Negative Feedback.

WHOA there, big fella?  Lying?  We’re already at the threat stage?  This guy has over a 1000 transactions to his credit.  He should understand that sometimes the post office fucks up.  A point I try to make in my response.

I’m sorry that you feel that way. He was mailed Monday morning. I weighed the package, had the mail machine spit out the stamp, put the stamp on the box and handed it to the postman at work myself. There is no tracking number because I didn’t print a shipping label through paypal, I used stamps instead, one stamp in fact for a 1.65.

I can’t control the post office on one of their busiest weeks of the year. The week before last, I won an auction out of Vegas (comparable distance to you). That package took a week to get here, USPS First Class Mail. I imagine that you’ll get yours Monday or Tuesday, if you haven’t gotten it already (yes, I wonder if you’re not jerking me around and lying about receiving it.) When you do get it, check the stamp. It’s dated 12-14.
I’m sorry you haven’t received it yet, and I’m sorry you missed the birthday. I truly am. But I’m not going to be bullied by your threats and accusations. I lived up to my end of the deal and met my obligations. I’ve bought and sold on e-bay for a couple of years and you are the first person who’s ever filed a dispute against me or threatened negative feedback. Congratulations.

Now grow up, cool your jets, and wait a couple more days before throwing your next tantrum. If you don’t get it next week, we’ll figure this out together.

And I get.

Your response is not smart

I guess I am only as smart as my response, because I’m not sure if I’ve given him some kind of leverage or if he took umbrage at the ‘grow up’ remark.  Unfortunately for me, and Bruce will vouch for this, I’m a ‘salt in the wound’ kind of guy, so I’m thinking it is the latter.  I was being a bit pissy and I probably riled him up.  But my bigger point was that we didn’t need to be so adversarial at this juncture.  Which, in retrospect, I probably should have said straight up.

Instead, I reply with this:

My response is what it is. For someone who’s sold as much on E-Bay as you have, you certainly aren’t acting like it.

I mailed your toy when I said I did, and I sent it as I said I would in the item description.

I’m sorry you think that I’m lying to you, but I’m not, and I know that I’m not. And that makes your accusatory tone sound incredibly childish and insulting.

Let’s keep this in perspective here. It is a five dollar TOY, not necessarily a rare and valuable thing. I can understand being upset that it missed the birthday, but there’s always Christmas.

When I saw your multiple e-mails on Monday I told my wife that this transaction was going to suck. So far, you’ve proven me right.

Now calm down and prove me wrong.

Again, salt in the wound.

So naturally, he files the complaint with PayPal.  I felt like I kinda egged that on, but when I checked the times of his posts and complaints, he pretty much filed it right after he threatened me with it.  That’s sort of vindication, right?

Here’s the complaint.

I paid for this auction 7 days ago and have never received it. I emailed the Seller and said he mailed it on Monday, 6 days ago, but will not give me a Tracking Number. I don’t think it’s ever been mailed. I paid for other auctions from other Sellers after I paid for this one and have already received all of them. I have never received this auction and want a Full Refund immediately. This was for a Birthday today.

Oh, goodie.  The guilt card.

At this point I want to tell the guy to drop fucking dead.  But I’m pretty sure that would be counter-productive.  So instead I write…

[The Buyer} can think what he wants, but the package was mailed 12-14, the Monday following the auction close. It was shipped USPS First Class (as described in the auction listing) and stamped through the postage machine at my office. He was notified that I shipped it Monday. Because I used a mail meter to print the postage, there is no tracking number to give him and he has been told this, too. I have responded to his e-mails and have asked him to wait a few more days for the item before he escalates this any further, however I’m not certain that he’ll wait that long. He’s already called me a liar and accused me of not shipping the package. I can’t control the post office. I’m more than willing to work with him on a solution, but I’m not willing to grant a refund until I satisfy myself that the package is lost in the mail and that means until the end of the month. If he hasn’t received it by Dec. 31 then I’ll grant a refund, but not before.

And with that I think I’ve got it nailed down.  I’ve done everything that I’ve said I would and I even offered a refund.  Granted it is on my terms, but still.  That gets me this:

This is one of the worst Sellers I’ve ever dealt with. Lies, Lies, Lies. I can’t stand a Liar. This will be Escalated tomorrow.

Fantastic.  I’m pretty sure that I’m dealing with a child, a retard, or a retarded child (no offense to retards).  How does one respond to that?

I do it like this.

This is insane. I mailed the package when I said I did. He doesn’t believe me. I shipped an item First Class during the busiest week of the year and it didn’t get to him as quickly as he wanted it. That’s the end of the story. I’m not sure what else I’m supposed to say or do or how to even respond to the above.

What lies, XXX? I e-mailed you on Monday that it shipped. I responded to your four posts on Friday that I shipped it on Monday, and that I was sorry you hadn’t received it yet. You replied “I think that you have never mailed it out. It should have been here already if you had. Also, since you couldn’t provide me with a Tracking Number that makes me think even more that you are lying.” Then you top it off with the message above.

You’re turning this into something bigger than it has to be.

Still a little wound-grinding, but not nearly as much as the ‘Fuck you, nad-sniffer!’ post I almost sent.  And believe me, I had the mouse hovering right over ‘Send’.  If I hadn’t had to pee, I’m pretty sure PayPal would have closed the claim right then and there.

Sniffy’s response?

That’s pretty typical with Sellers like you, blame it on the Customer. Then you email me and state, “It’s only a five dollar item”. That’s the problem with Sellers like you, just because it wasn’t a big sale then you don’t think much of it. I paid within one minute of winning this auction and you have done nothing but give me terrible service. That’s because you’re like so many other Sellers on eBay, once you get the money you don’t care about the Customer. That doesn’t go over with me. I want my money back. You don’t even have any proof that you ever mailed it. So don’t go trying to turn this around on me. By you doing that this shows me that you’re a lowsy Seller.

Again, ‘Fuck you, nad-sniffer!” was the preferred response, but I decided the best way to win a dispute is to find a way to dress that up a bit.

I’m not blaming you for this situation (well, I am, but not as much as you think). I can’t control the post office, and you’re pissed off at me because it’s a crappy week to try and send a package on a deadline and you’ve missed a birthday. I’m sorry.

That being said, quit trying to bully and browbeat me. I sent the package when and how I said I would. I sent you a note to let you know it shipped. I responded to your inquiries, and I’m responding to you even now, when I don’t think you deserve a response anymore. You’re over the line with your commentary and you need to pull it back a bit.

I expect the next response will be ‘Liar, liar, pants on fire!’ .  But that’s if Zippy can remember the rhyme scheme.  My hopes aren’t high.

The shame of it all is that I do think about the Customer.  I’m genuinely sorry he didn’t get his toy in time.  It would upset me, too.

But when the Customer behaves worse than my five year old ever has, I kind of want to see him get all fucked up in a farm equipment accident.  Actually, what I’d like to do is take the stupid toy, break it, and jam the pieces into his eyes.  Then I’d melt all the rest of his toys so when he does regain his sight, all he has to look at is slag.

I think I’ll spend tomorrow playing Mafia Wars.

12-20-09:  So I spend a few minutes this morning responding to the PayPal dispute, trying to get past my three options of:

-Provide Tracking Info

-Admit the item was never shipped and grant refund

-Provide proof that a refund was given.

(Notice that none of them are ‘Tell your side of the story’.)

Anyway, I finally managed to finagle my way around the three choices and got to make my case.  I also took a moment to read the dispute he filed wherein he claims that I’ve lied about sending the item and have been ‘nothing but nasty’.  So tonight, when I login to check e-mail, I get this (four times):

Here it is, 9 days after I paid for this Moon Knight and it’s still not here. People like you should be booted off eBay. I hate liars.

Now, I’ve looked this guy up and I’m not the first seller he’s done this to.  Oddly, the claims are almost identical, like word for word, as is the nasty feedback,  DO NOT TRUST!  I’m pretty sure I’m dealing with ‘retarded child’ at this point.

I almost…almost…sent him a note to thank him for the update but held my tongue.

Then again, the night is young.

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