Relationships. I’ve been single for quite some time and have been in my fair share of relationships. I guess none of them were any good since I’m still un-attached. I have learned a lot though from all of my trysts with the “fairer” sex. I’ve learned about myself and about other people and how they function. I’ve learned what I am capable of, not capable of, need from another person, what I cannot deal with, and what I have to offer another person. Before I continue I have to say that I know that I am not perfect and I have my fair share of issues. Nobody is devoid of issues in some way, but what is important is how we deal with our issues. Do we deal with them in a healthy and mature manner or an unhealthy, destructive, and immature manner? I have definitely learned how to analyze and question my own behavior. I just wish other people had that ability as well.
The most perplexing and difficult type of women that I have been with are those who have Daddy issues. Guys, stay far away from those that have this problem. The dead dad, absentee dad, and the abusive dad all do wonders on women. Extensions of this issue are anger, mean spiritedness, jealousy, selfishness, major insecurities, a penchant for violence, the world owes me something type of demeanor, and a general chip on the shoulder mentality. Sometimes you get dealt a bad hand, but you have to work with the cards you are dealt. That doesn’t mean anybody owes you anything. In fact, the world doesn’t owe you shit. We also live in a time in which everyday people think they are superstars. It’s amazing how many people out there roam around without being in touch with reality and without any cognizance of those around them. Constantly being told by parents and friends that they are “special”. Well ya know what? You’re not special. Being special requires one to exhibit that quality in actions. Actions that foster something good and come from kindness, sensitivity, positive energy, sympathy, empathy, and selflessness. It blows my mind how many people choose to be unpleasant. I’ve always maintained that an unpleasant attitude has got to require more energy expenditure and is more mentally taxing than just being nice. I’ve been told with great conviction that – “everyone is different and because I have these qualities and you don’t, doesn’t make you better than me.” On face value this makes sense, but it is a lame tactic used by unsavory people to validate their behavior and dodge the task of bettering themselves. The qualities I have been describing are bad qualities. They are personality flaws. I have never ever heard such traits lauded in any way. Hypocrisy is another huge and incredibly frustrating trait that I have had the displeasure of dealing with. I’ve dated numerous women who say and do things that they would not accept from another person. These are the free-pass or license holders as I like to call them. They can be as disrespectful, mean, rude, and generally un-cool as they want to be and people have to accept that; but man oh man…when the tables are turned and they are on the receiving end of just a fraction of what they dole out…they freak out. To me this goes hand in hand with fairness and a level playing field…also a concept that many people don’t seem to understand. During a recent conversation with a woman about the singer from TLC that tried to burn her boy-friend’s house down, I was told – “I’ve burned a guys stuff before…things happen…emotions flare up…” Wow, it was so nonchalant. Why is that acceptable? By that logic then, it should be fine for a man to beat up a woman in the “heat of the moment” or something crazy and frightening like that. Here’s a news flash for those women that think violence, vandalism, and destruction of another person’s property is ok just because things are not going your way in a relationship – it is not ok…ever! Dealing with mental and emotional immaturity is like bashing ones head against a wall. I guess it’s a sign of the times. People simply don’t have to grow up. They can act like children well into their 30’s and 40’s. Fickleness and the predominant disposal attitude also corrupts people’s perception and sense of reality. Something’s not working or going your way…pfff…throw it away or ignore it. That is people’s solution these days for everything…including relationships. Priorities are messed up or non-existent. Needs and wants are blurred/skewed and out of whack. I’ve also had bad luck with takers. People who have no problem taking emotionally, mentally, and materially; but have a hard time reciprocating. Argumentative and know-it-all’s are also extremely horrible to deal with. Humility is another quality that is in very short supply these days. I come across too many people that are arrogant, pompous, and full of themselves. It’s really quite pathetic. I think our society is partly to blame as well. Bad behavior is rewarded and encouraged. “It doesn’t pay to be nice” – I have certainly heard that a lot. My father always stressed the importance of patience and self-control. Two attributes that to this day he espouses with amazing grace. He always says – “never give anyone a chance to say anything bad about you.” These are qualities of mature, intelligent, and evolved individuals. It’s about conscience, karma, and taking the high road. Losing one’s cool at the drop of a hat is rather repugnant in my opinion and I’m sad to say I’ve had to deal with many dames who do just that. Knee jerk reactions are a sign of a small person (in heart and mind). It astonishes me that people who do flip-out are not embarrassed by their own behavior. I sure am. I guess it’s that license/free pass/entitlement thing that drives them. There are lots of people out there who thrive on discord. They need and want conflict and drama in their personal lives. I guess peace, tranquility, and harmony are boring to them. How twisted. Angry women like to use their attitude as a tool of provocation. When the other person doesn’t lose their cool and lash back; it makes them even more angry. I think a lot of women view kindness and being nice as weakness. Well ladies there are lots of Neanderthal tough guys for you to choose from if that’s how you feel. I’m sure they’ll be more than happy to volley a foul attitude with you. Being honest with oneself is another concept people don’t understand. When you are honest with yourself and understand your own short-comings is when you can be honest, open, and share with another person.
Just venting my relationship woes. I know that there are plenty of men who are guilty of the same kinds of traits and behaviors. It’s tough being single for both men and women. Both have their set of challenges and obstacles to beware of in the dating mine field. I just wish I could meet someone “normal”. People love to say that, but normal is such a subjective word in this context. It should be replaced with “compatible”. I’m sure there are men out there that would be just fine with an angry, disrespectful, emotionally unavailable, and haughty woman. I just wish I didn’t keep running into them. I guess that is something I need to ask myself and analyze – why do I keep dating these kinds of women? I think I know part of the answer, but I’ll save that for another time.
2 thoughts on “Relationships”
You know, Aamir, as an “objective” reader, I could easily have been offended by generalization of women in this piece. But as I read your post, I felt myself equating your emotions to the asshole that I recently worked for; to the jerk that I knew in college; to the other jerk that was a co-worker of mine back in the radio days. It’s ironic and highly indicative of the quality of your piece that I could read your words and find myself so totally and completely applying them to men I have known.
As a friend of yours that thinks so highly of you, I hate that anyone has been so unkind to you. At the same time, I know that stupid, ugly and troubled people exist in this world, regardless of sex. And you deserve better.
beyond romantic relationships, almost all of the things you mention are at work on and rotting society as a whole.
you can see it in the workplace, on the highways, in the clubs…everywhere.
f- everyone. i can choose who stays and goes. just give me the license baby.