Friday LinkFrogging

Good afternoon kids. I have a confession to make. I am on a drug. It’s called Charlie Sheen. It’s not available. If you try it once, you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.

I probably took more than anybody could survive. … I was bangin’ seven-gram rocks and finishing them because that’s how I roll, because I have one speed, one gear. … I’m different. I have a different constitution, I have a different brain, I have a different heart. I got tiger blood, man. Dying’s for fools, dying’s for amateurs.

Every day is just filled with just wins. All we do is put wins in the record books. We win so radically in our underwear before our first cup of coffee, it’s scary. People say it’s lonely at the top, but I sure like the view.

That being said,I’m tired of pretending like I’m not special. I’m tired of pretending like I’m not a total bitchin’ rock star from Mars. I woke up and decided, you know, I’ve been kicked around. I’ve been criticized. I’ve been like the, ‘Ah, shucks’ guy with like this bitchin’ rockstar life. And I’m just finally going to completely embrace it, wrap both arms around it, and love it violently. And defend it violently through violent hatred.

I’m proud of what I’ve created. It was radical. I exposed people to magic. I exposed them to something they’re never otherwise going to see in their boring, normal lives. And I gave that to them. I may forget about them tomorrow, but they’ll live with that memory for the rest of their lives. And that’s a gift, man.

The run I was on made Sinatra, Flynn, Jagger, Richards, all of them just look like you know, droopy eyes armless children.

Which brings us to the subject of cheesecake, and this week’s rather obvious choice. Say hello to Denise Richards. She’s an ex-Mrs. Sheen. In addition, she’s generally considered the worst Bond girl of all time.

Perhaps, Charlie Sheen can, in his own special way, help us finish out Ms. Richards’ writeup? Carlos? “(She) shows up looking the way she does. Look at her. Wow! Everybody’s winning. Boom!”

Then he added, “I tried marriage. I’m 0 for 3 with the marriage thing. So, being a ballplayer — I believe in numbers. I’m not going 0 for 4. I’m not wearing a golden sombrero.”

Play ball Chaz! Play ball!

To the links!