LOST Notes: Across The Sea – Aesop’s Fumbles

Jacob: You want to find the light? You want to leave this place, brother? Then GO! This week: Ugh.    - Things We Learned, Pt. 1: Moms are bitches. They lie to you, they keep secrets, they kill people, they plant games on the beach for you to find rather than just give them to …

LOST Notes: The Candidate – The Wreck Of The Franklin Lapidus

Sayid Jarrah: Because it's going to be you, Jack. This week: You Must Be THIS Relevant To The Final Plot And Themes To Continue... - Now that Jack and his son are BFFs and totally getting Dodgers season tickets when this whole "dural sac" epidemic blows over, maybe he can ask the little lamb to …

LOST Notes: The Last Recruit – War Means Cocked Guns And Wet, Sandy Jeans

James "Sawyer" Ford: We're done going back, Kate. This week:  As we head for The End, old themes rear their head...namely, the theme where Jack screws everything up. - Try as we might to embrace Desmond or Faraday or Eko or Richard or Sawyer or even Ben, there’s no way around it; LOST is all …

LOST Notes: Everybody Loves Hugo – And Explosions. We Also Love Explosions.

  Ilana: *explodes* This week:  Now we're talking - a classic LOST episode, even if it takes Hugo "The Audience Proxy" Reyes to deliver it.   - Here are some of the things that Hugo’s lottery winnings can’t pay for: a personal trainer, the respect of his mother, an assistant (to buy his family-size chicken …

LOST Notes: Happily Ever After – Faithfaithfaithfaith*SCIENCE*faith

Desmond Hume: There's ALWAYS a choice, brother. This week: true love only exists in alternate realities. Also, the best way to avoid us noticing that you are tap-dancing around cold hard facts is to trot out the dreaded Desmond/Faraday combo. - What's that you say? There are six episodes left and we have yet to …

LOST Notes: The Package – Look, I Like Jin And All, But Does Anyone Know How Long Until V Returns?

The Guy Without A Fucking Name Who Turns Into Fucking Black Smoke And Answers Everyone's Fucking Question With A Long Fucking Soliloquy About His Fucking World View: I don't like secrets. This week: I’ll try to keep it short since we all did a lot of reading during the episode itself.  - With this being the …

LOST Notes: Ab Aeterno: The Black Rock, The White Stone and The Gray Hairs (Or Lack Thereof)

Herbert (the man in black): My friend, you and I can talk all day long about what's right or wrong, but the question before you remains the same. This week: It turns out the most interesting man in the world actually doesn't have too much going on, besides an exciting couple of days here and …

LOST Notes: Recon – Con Again…And Again…And Again

James "Sawyer" Ford: Trust me, God's got nothing to do with it. This week: No matter the decade, no matter the universe, no matter the reality, there is one constant: Sawyer been gettin' ass, ya'll.  I. The Naked Gun: From The Files Of Sawyer's Neverending Sex Life A. There are two types of women in this …

LOST Notes: Dr. Linus – A Ben Without Balls Or Bruises

Ben Linus:  I was terrified that I was about to lose the only thing that had ever mattered to me...my power... This week: Theoretical redemption through Saved By The Bell-meets-Law & Order plotlines.  Also, maybe we find out why Jin can't die. I. On This Week's After-School Special / Episode of Fat Albert A. The …

LOST Notes: Sundown – For Plot Devices, That Is

Sayid Jarrah: I stabbed him in the chest like you told me to. THEN I let him talk to me. This week: Sayid doesn't screw around.  Secondary characters, you are on notice!  Main characters, you are all fine, don't sweat.  I. Sayidways A. That is definitely not Sayid's brother. He doesn't have an awesome goatee, he doesn't …