A review of the past week’s episode of LOST from a frustratedly loyal (and loyally frustrated) fan. This week: Does it matter who’s raising The Little Prince? It’s not Claire, and that means you’re all doomed for reasons unrelated to the other circumstances where you’re all doomed.
John Locke: The light came on, shot up into the sky. At the time, I thought it meant something.
James “Sawyer” Ford: Did it?
John Locke: No. It was just a light.
LOST, Season 5, Episode 4
The Little Prince
I. The Truth(ish) About Faraday
A. I’ve been in Kate’s business before about raising another human being (and for good reason; it’s a wonder she doesn’t pack a suitcase and go native every time the cable bill arrives), but it’s worth noting that she didn’t have much choice. Ethnicity amongst the Oceanic Six shortened the list of viable fake parents to her and Jack, and she was the one with an estranged family and a rewritable past (not to mention, um, a uterus). Maybe when she said “I think we should say he’s mine,” she meant “I am the only logical choice to be this thing’s kinfolk,” and considering that she served as the kid’s wet nurse and that every other possible surrogate mom amongst the cast was either dead, expendable or Juliet, she has as good a claim as any. It’s just that maybe she didn’t quite think of the consequences of her actions before following through, which would be totally unlike her except that it’s exactly like her.
B. When Kate came out with “I have always been with you,” Jack should have responded with “Except when you tried to have the US Marshal killed, when you stayed on the beach when I moved to the caves, when kissed me in the jungle and then ran away, when you followed us after I told you not to and ended up getting captured, when you slept with Sawyer in the monkey cages while I watched you, when you came back to try and rescue me after I said not to, when you stole the satellite phone from me to track Naomi, when you stayed at the barracks with Sawyer after originally choosing to stay at the beach with me and various other lies and secrets over the course of the past several months. But yeah, besides that, with me, got it.”
C. I can’t tell which is the biggest display of Sun’s new power/swagger: that she can just roll up on Charles Widmore in broad daylight and start shooting the shit about The Island without getting a poofy dart in her neck, or that she can convince Kate to go back and see the lawyer without needing to make Kate think it was her own idea.
D. So the lawyer says “gimme ur blood” and Kate’s like “who’s ur client” and the lawyer says “top secret, yo. gimme ur blood or i call the cops” and Kate’s like “u ain’t callin’ the cops” and runs away. Then she puts a suit on and returns to see the lawyer (apparently on the same day). This time he says “gimme ur blood 4 serious” and she’s like “who’s ur client” and the lawyer goes “stop trippin’. gimme ur blood or i call the cops” and she goes “u ain’t callin’ the cops” and runs away again. This was Sun’s grand plan? Was the suit supposed to turn Kate into Ally McBeal just because she weighs 83 pounds? Did the federal murder trial (ending in a plea bargain) suddenly give her some legalese?
E. If Kate’s gonna hate on Jack for trusting Ben, she might want to re-evaluate the decision to leave her “son” alone with Sun shortly after Ms. Kwon showed up in L.A. unannounced and passive-aggressively praised Kate for making the tough decision to let Jin die on the freighter. “Sorry about indirectly blowing up your dude back there…hey, can you watch the brat while I go shake down a lawyer?” What qualified Sun as a babysitter? The daughter she left on the other side of the Pacific?
F. Sun’s showdown with Widmore apparently paid off, even if it did require a “Bitch, please” follow-up at the airport. Now he (presumably) is sending her the Whitman’s Sampler Deluxe Pack and surveillance photos of Big Ben’s new carpeting gig. Or maybe Sun wants to launch an L.A.-based gossip blog and needed the scoop about Jack’s grunge beard. I mean, Jack’s got to be at least a B- or C-list celeb, right? How else could he just hijack an EMERGENCY ROOM in a Los Angeles hospital for his friend with no less than the director of clinical services coming to stop him? If he was a nobody, maybe he would have been stopped at the door by security or orderlies or any number of people who think a stone-cold Middle Eastern man slung over your shoulder is odd.
G. Was there nothing else worth noting about the random, dart gun wielding imposter orderly besides the address in his wallet? What about his credit cards, or his photo ID, or his car keys, or HIS BODY? Ben drives a freaking carpet van and he unloaded Locke’s body at the butcher, so there’s gonna be room. And why is Sayid the only person getting darted?
H. I’m sure Hurley’s confidence that Ben can’t get to him is well-founded. I mean, the only reason he’s in jail to begin with is because Ben managed to sneak past the cops surrounding casa de Reyes, but surely all the cops available in jail will pose a stiffer challenge? Right? Right. And since there’s no evidence on him for murder (pretty sure lack of fingerprints/DNA trumps a camera phone), all he’s being held for is escaping from the nuthouse, which means he’d be under even less security than normal. Also, I suppose it was foolish to think there was something ominous about Ana Lucia’s warning to not get arrested. Ana Lucia has never contributed something meaningful, so why would she start when she’s dead? She was just playing a low-rent “ghost of McGruff the crime dog” act.
II. Brigadoon, But With 90% Less Scotsmen And 70% More Smoke Monsters
A. It’s no surprise that Daniel has leapt into the center of this show because he shows an uncanny ability to know critical details about a situation without feeling the need to share that knowledge. If there’s ever a situation where he, Juliet, Locke, Ben, Jack and Kate are all in the same place, it’s going to turn into one hell of a brawl. When this show is all over, they could do a celebrity version of The Mole with those six characters and no one would ever win.
B. It wouldn’t hurt for him to sit everyone down Indian-style and deliver a brief 3-5 minute presentation on Constants. Seriously, a little pamphlet, a little PowerPoint and a little “find something/someone to grab onto before your brain turns into a Slurpee.” You don’t need to explain why – even though Sawyer will demand it, when he doesn’t get his way he just furrows his entire face and goes on living.
C. If Miles supposedly has a history on the Island, and there has only been one other prominent non-Kwon Asian character there as far as we’ve seen, that’s a pretty safe connection to draw, no? If Miles had been born on the Island, he would have inherited the family business of making up aliases and filming orientation videos for Dharma stations. Of course, he’s halfway there already – Miles Straume would sound like a fake name for a Swedish man, so it’s definitely not real for someone of Chinese descent.
D. It’s funny that Sawyer calls out for Rose and Bernard when they return to the camp because at that point he has to realize that he doesn’t know the names of any of the other castaways. Since the Frogurt en fuego incident he can count the number of people he knows by name (not nickname) on the Island with one hand.
E. Are the other castaways not traveling through time, too? Wouldn’t they also be trying to return to the beach when the sky started flashing? Even if something “happened” to them in the future (assuming that the jump to the wrecked camp and the skiffs is somewhere in the future), wouldn’t they still be jumping somewhere? Shouldn’t they also be having nosebleeds and awkward encounters with their past selves? I know we’re not supposed to care about those people because they weren’t given names (and we’d only care about Rose, except she’s emotionally handcuffed to the ‘Nard Dog and his overflow of suck is canceling her out), but they’ve got to be having some sort of adventures now, right?
F. Not only did the giant C-4 explosion not kill Jin (to the surprise of no one except Sun and the eardrums of everyone else on the helicopter at the time), but supposedly it flung him far enough that he landed/floated into the “radius” of the Island, as Faraday termed it. So the chopper, which was already headed back toward land, couldn’t make it in range before the whole place went “bloop,” but The Incredible Flying Jin somehow made it? Is there a niche market out there for a Korean Evel Knievel?
G. At what point does Jin start developing regrets? It could have been when he caught his wife fighting off jungle fever with the guy who stole his watch right after the crash, or it could have been when he found out that he was apparently the only passenger on 815 to not speak English. Or maybe when he knew that the only possibility of pregnant Sun’s ladyparts NOT exploding in childbirth would be if she was knocked up by the guy she was cheating with. If it didn’t happen at any of those parts, surely Jin started regretting his life choices when he watched his wife and unborn child fly away from him in a helicopter and then woke up back on the Island next to a French teenager who introduced herself by the same name as the rifle-toting madwoman he already knew. The message in Jin’s personal odyssey is clear: never try to date girls who are out of your league.