Sarah Palin: Go Gently Into That Good Nighto

Who Gotcha's the Gotcha Media?
Who Gotcha's the Gotcha Media?

So, it’s the holiday weekend and me and my in-laws are sitting around watching tv and we hear ‘…with 18 months to go in her term…’ accompanied by a photo of The Barracudinator or whatever they’re calling Gov. Palin these days.

“What was that?”

“Don’t know, try another station.”

We flip around and come to:

“Sarah Palin’s stunning resignation.  Blah, blah, blah.”

And immediately we start conjecturizing.

Wonder what she’s done wrong.”

“No doubt, she’s trying to get out in front of something.”

“Bet it has something to do with that pipeline she’s trying to build.”

“The old boy network she swapped out for one of her own has something on her.”

“Bribes.  I’m thinking bribes.  Or ‘consulting fees’.  Whatever they’re calling them.”

And on and on it went in the same vein.  Notably missing from the discussion was :

“Maybe she quit so she could run for president.”

Yeah, right.  She left the governorship with nearly half a term left to prepare for 2012.  No offense to her supporters, but she’s not bright enough to plan that far ahead.  Someone get her a calendar because she could finish her term and still have two years to get her presidential shit together.

She’s hiding something.

I’ll be upfront in my assessment of the Governor.  She’s an absolute zero.  The emptiest of empty suits.  Someone for whom ‘anti-intellectual’ is a spiritual calling.   Coma patients have a better grasp of current events than she does.  I believe she was picked to be McCain’s running mate after a hard night of drinking.  Realizing that the Democrats had momentum, money and message, someone got the bright idea that they needed some tits on the ticket.  After all, that Clinton woman got some umpteen million votes and LOST.  Since Hillary wasn’t on the ticket, a couple of Republican strategists figured that if they ran a woman, they’d be able to capitalize.

It could have worked, too…if they’d picked Hillary Clinton.

So, to me, the notion that she quit because she’s thinking it will help her run for president is crap.  I have no doubt that she’s thinking it is her nomination to lose, and if only the far right of the party got to vote, it would be.  But I don’t think that’s why she quit.

I’m a conspiracist at heart and this is what my dark, little heart tells me.   That out there, lurking, is something vaguely criminal or unethical and it is all about to hit the fan or this is part of the deal to keep it quiet.  Since her attorney is threatening to sue anyone for spreading rumors, I have to believe that I’m right.  People only threaten lawsuits when there’s something good to hide.  I haven’t read any of the anti-Palin blogs, nor am I spreading a rumor, I’m just telling you what I think.  We’ve seen too many of our elected officials perp-walk out of office to believe otherwise.

Mark my words…she’s going down for something.

Like say….

That thing where she got the cop fired.  That’s just the tip of the iceberg.  We will come to find out that she’s had all kinds of people fired for any number of reasons ranging from ‘they smell weird’ to ‘They’re David Letterman’.

Or…

Shady real estate and development deals.  Nothing gets built in Wasilla unless palms get greased.  Ted Stevens’ didn’t plunder alone, and that bridge to nowhere leads to somebody’s offshore bank account.

Or…

Her higher calling is to lead the Alaskan Separatist movement.  Now that she’s built a gas pipeline with her own people, it is the perfect time to leave the union and set up shop as the People’s Democratic Nation of Alaska.  She’ll be able to authorized drilling anywhere, manage the leases herself, and live off the oil revenue like an Arabian Prince.  Then she’ll buy Canada.***

***Unfortunately, this last scenario involves her possessing a greater intellectual capacity than I believe she has, so lets put this one down as what I would do if I were the Exalted Prince Swami Lama of the People’s Democratic Nation of Alaska.

But whatever reason it was, let it be a good one.  One that takes her out of our politics and puts her where she belongs; a yellow piece of the pie in Trivial Pursuit: The Pointless Edition.

On a side note, if you read this and have a theory as to why she quit, post it.  We’d love to see it.

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